The Journey of Naamah
by LivingInAnotherUniverse
Summary: The Journey of Naamah, from when Yeshua ben Yosef hung dying to when Elua and his Companions enter the Terre d'Ange-that-lies-beyond.
1. Prologue

I own nothing that has to do with Kushiel's Legacy. I wish I did, but alas! My name is not Jacqueline Carey.

**The Journey of Naamah**

Heaven and Earth shuddered that day. I would know. I was in the One God's domain at the time.

Would that Mother Earth had never decided to take the blood of Adonai's son and the tears of his beloved – if she had not, I would not be here, remembering everything.

Is that a good thing? Or bad?

I know not. But I wish I did. honestly, I did. It seems that only Elua and Adoni knows.

I am here, in the Terre d'Ange-that-lies-beyond. Writing down my journey through Earth and Heaven above. I hope I can find a way to share this with my descendents that I left behind, that will come to this place in time.

My name is Naamah, and I am a follower of Blessed Elua. I have disobeyed Heavens edict for him, gone to Earth and beyond to be with him, all of the sake of love.

_Love as thou wilt._ It is all that I can ask of you, my children.


	2. Earth Begotten

This is purely for my own entertainment. I own nothing of Kushiel's Legacy. Any name you do not recognize is mine.

The Journey of Naamah: Earth Begotten

There are times I regret my choices. But the past cannot be changed, not at all. But it was love that made my choices. I cannot but give in to love.

The day Blessed Elua was conceived was a sorrowful one.

We all watched.

We all watched as Yeshua ben Yosef was taken, scourged, and crucified. We all watched the blood drip down his face as he screamed out in pain. We all watched as his royal beloved cried in sorrow, for Yeshua and the Magdalene had never sealed their union. We all watched at the Tiberium spear entered his side, pronouncing him dead. We all watched as Mother Earth shuddered in anger. We all watched the blood disappear into the ground, though we knew not what would happen to it.

We know now.

And Heaven mourned the One God and his angel's alike. Kushiel stopped his punishments. Eisheth stopped singing. Anael stopped growing green things. Azza stopped competing and showing off. Zanielle stopped writing. Camael and Cassiel stopped fighting each other. I, I stopped taking pleasure in the smallest things.

Some years passed, and Adonai never stopped weeping. He cared not for his grandson, Elua, who was begotten from the One God's former wife, Mother Earth.

I was the only one who watched as Elua tried to make his place in the world, but he was scorned. Yeshuites and Tiberiums alike cast him out to wander. Flowers bloomed in his wake. I alone took heed of his troubles. I was alone in caring for him, or so I thought.

The action that brought me here, to the Terre d'Ange-that-lies-beyond. The action that changed everything. The action that made me realize how much we could do in the name of love.

Elua was captured by the King of Persis.


	3. The King of Persis

The first thing I want to do is thank everyone for their reviews and alerts. Trust me, they made my day. Second, I am very sorry this took so long. But final exams must be studied for! I will be posting more, once summer starts and I have more time. Again, thank you!

Note: I find it very difficult to write with the "Thou" and the "Thy's" and "Doths" and whatnot, so I'll be using modern dialogue.

Note 2: I own nothing except Atrabanus and Atacama.

**The Journey of Naamah: The King of Persis**

_But when the King of Persis cast blessed Elua in chains, there were among the angels in Heaven those who took pity upon him. Naamah was first among them, and it was she who gave herself to the King to win blessed Elua's freedom with a night's pleasure …_

_~Earth Begotten, by J. Carey_

"It is done." The deep, sonorous voice declared. "Take her to the woman's quarters. Tonight will be a night of feasting and great happiness."

I bowed, wings fluttering behind me. "Tonight, then." I could hardly believe my ears, much less my own voice. The King of Persis would have me, in exchange for the freedom of Elua. It was for the son of Yeshua ben Yosef that I would give up everything. It was all going as I had hoped.

Guards lead me away from the great hall, through the twisting halls of Atrabanus' marble palace to his harem. He seemed too young to have a harem – he was barely twenty-five - but that was humans for you. Excessive.

Eunuchs guarded the doors, the sound of female laughter drifted through. I could barely hear the sound of fountains tinkling in the background.

"We've orders from the Great King of Kings, Atrabanus, to bring her here. She is the guest of honor at tonight's feasting." The eunuchs nodded silently, shaved heads bobbing, and opened the doors.

I was immediately greeted by a rosy-faced woman, about twenty. She had exotic green eyes and blue-black hair that shimmered in the lamp-light. She looked like a mixture of Kushiel and Anael.

"Oh! You're-" Her red lips formed an O of surprise, hands fluttering at her sides. "You're … different." I smiled tentatively, the ball in my stomach tightening. The entire hall went dead silent. "Yes," I whispered. "I guess I am."

One of the guards managed a smile, obviously trying to hold back laughter. "This is Naamah. She will be … attending … the King tonight. Make her ready, like you do so well, Atacama." The rosy-faced woman nodded mutely as the doors closed behind me, still staring at my wings.

I bowed my head, suffering though the silence as all the women, about thirty of them, stared. Atacama recovered first, clapping business-like. I know I jumped, and I am pretty sure all the rest of the women did as well. "Well then. This is going to be interesting. Naamah, is it?" I nodded. "I've got some ideas for you."

I raised my eyebrows, dubious. "Oh? Like what?" She grinned, showing straight, white teeth. "You'll see."

Several hours passed, needless to say, of many forms of becoming ready for the King. I was skeptic at first, but I relaxed. The women knew what they were doing.

The evening bell rang when three guards arrived to take me to the great hall for the feast. They stopped in the doorway, stunned.

The dress was cloth-of-gold, with semi-precious stones at the hems. My feet were bare, tattooed with henna. Silver bangles clattered against each other on my wrists. A silver Menekhetan collar adorned my neck. My thick red-gold hair fell in waves down my back, a veil of silver and pearls covering most of it. There was only touch of kohl around my eyes and carmine for my lips. But perhaps what were most stunning were my wings. Covered in silver flecks, they shone.

I strode with confidence to the doors. Turning, I bowed. "Thank you, all of you. May your gods hold and keep you always." Atacama smiled, tears at her eyes. "You are most welcome."

I nodded, and turned away. Away from the solace of women to the harsh reality of men.

_~*~ Elua ~*~_

Atrabanus rose, taking my hennaed hand and leading me to his rooms. I had no idea what he would do.

"Atacama outdid herself today." He murmured into my ear. "I couldn't ask for more. A full belly and a promise of a sated night to come."

I forced a smile, meeting his eyes. "And that you will get, so long as you keep to your side of the contract."

We entered his rooms, laughing at some joke he had told that I have long since forgotten. The large bed dominated the room, a desk covered in papers and scrolls in one corner. Otherwise, the room was bare.

He tilted my head up gently, looking intently into my eyes. "I will ask, one last time, if you are sure that you wish to do this. I will not be a rapist."

"Yes." I breathed. "Of course. I've spent the past week asking myself if I was ready. I am." With that, he kissed me, long, hard, and passionate. His hands roamed, brushing over my breasts with care.

I stepped back, smiling coyly as I unclasped the Menekhetan collar and slid the bangles off my wrists. He watched, leaning against the baseboard of the bed. His manhood was growing under the loose trousers.

The veil slipped out of my hair, the dress stayed on though. I came closer; one hand resting on his shoulder as the other lightly stroked the now hard phallus, as I leaned in for another kiss.

_~*~ Elua ~*~_

It was in this manner that Elua was freed from the dungeons of Persis's famous King.


	4. Elua

Again, I am not J. Carey. I wish I was, but I am not. Soroush is my own. Everyone else is hers.

**The Journey of Naamah: Elua**

_When the door to blessed Elua's cell was opened, a fragrance of flowers came forth and Elua emerged singing, crowned in vines, and their hearts were moved to love him. _

_~Earth Begotten by J. Carey_

I again stood in the throne hall, clad in the robes I had come in, with the King of Persis back on his throne. There were two differences, though.

This time, I was the one demanding. I was the one setting the terms.

This time, I was flanked by six of my own kind, angels from the Adonai's domain. I did not know why they had come, but they were there. And I was grateful.

Clever Shemhazai.

Kind Anael.

Proud Azza.

Gentle Eisheth.

Merciful Kushiel.

Martial Camael.

My friends.

_~*~Elua~*~_

"Your Majesty! Do you so soon forget the contract you and I signed less than a day ago? I have upheld my part of the bargain, now where is Elua?"

"I will take you down to him personally. I was just awaiting word from a messenger."

Several minutes passed. A young boy entered from a side door and began to whisper in Atrabanus's ear. The King's face paled, and he glanced anxiously at us. I met his glance with one of mild amusement and patience.

"Are you ready now? Or should we go down ourselves?" Kushiel asked with impatience, bronze wings rearranging themselves on his back. My head whipped around to give him a glare. His dark eyes regarded me with kindness, and an underlying fierceness, impatience, and passion.

"Go. I have other matters to attend to. A guard will show you the way." The King of Persis turned his back to us and began to speak in low tones to an advisor.

Azza glared at Atrabanus, muttering to himself. "The audacity! He has no right …"

"Hush." Eisheth laid a hand on his arm. "Such is his way."

A lone guard approached warily. He was barely a man, the stubble on his cheeks sparse. His voice cracked when he spoke to us.

"If you wou-would come wi-ith me?" He stammered, looking at me with fearful eyes. I smiled, and he flinched. The whole Palace knew what had happened during the night, I assumed.

"What's your name?" Eisheth asked gently.

"Soroush." The boy whispered, meeting her eyes. "It means 'Messenger Angel'. Like you." Soroush blushed like a girl and ducked his head.

Eisheth disengaged herself from Azza, took the boys chin and tilted it upward, forcing him to meet her eyes again. "It's a good name. And yes, you are right. We are messenger angels, in our own way." She glanced at me, smirking. I rolled my eyes and jerked my head to the door.

"Shall we?" Eisheth asked. Soroush jumped back, nodding quickly. "Of course, my lady" He started to walk out of the throne room, and we followed.

_~*~Elua~*~_

Soroush took the key from his belt and fitted it into the lock. The cell was dark – I could not see what lay inside. But I already knew.

Elua.

The door opened with a groan, adding to the tension that was almost palpable in the small corridor. Anael smiled, noticing the fragrance of flowers. We all did.

Suddenly, a voice started to sing.

It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. The other angels singing in Heaven paled in comparison. It was a wordless song, yet it held all the words in the world.

And it was all Elua.

He came out, clad in Heavens robes that I had sent him on the backs of doves. Blonde hair fell in waves down his back, barely contained by a vine wreath. Blue iridescent wings shimmered in the lamp-light; bare feet making no sound on the straw covered floor. White teeth framed with supple lips upturned in a smile; bright violet eyes regarded us with joy.

Azza was the first among us to bow, and Camael followed suit, putting a hand on his broad sword and bowing at the waist. Shamhazai bowed his head, as did Kushiel. Eisheth stood upright, but tears ran silently down her face.

I was the exception. I went up to him and touched his face. "Elua." I smiled, and kissed him briefly.

"Naamah." His voice was like his song, soul touching. "I'm glad you came. All of you."

Soroush cleared his throat, and all eight pairs of eyes suddenly turned on him. "I-I-" Then he fell to the ground in a dead faint.


	5. Betrayal

You should notice I did not include Cassiel among the angels that came to free Elua in the last chapter. Just thought I'd mention that …

Thanks to all of your reviews and alerts. Again, I am not J. Carey. This is for my own crazed amusement.

**The Journey of Naamah: Betrayed**

_Now, the King of Persis became fearful and betrayed blessed Elua and his Companions, giving them strong wine to drink. While they slept, he had them cast at sea upon a boat with no sails; but blessed Elua awoke and sang and the creatures of the deep came to answer, guiding the boat across the sea …_

_~Earth Begotten by J. Carey_

The banquet was the second I had attended while in Persis, but the one after Elua was freed had to be the grander of the two. Lamb stuffed with fresh herbs and spices from Bhodistan. Two stews filled with meat and fruit. Sweet bread filled with raisins. By the One God, it was fantastic. There was enough food to rival Heavens feasts, but the music was much different. More haunting, sorrowful.

"Why does he look like that?" Shemhazai whispered in my ear. "So guilty …"

I stole a glance at Atrabanus. "I have no idea." I whispered back. "I wonder why though."

The evening passed without incident. The public banquet ended, but Persis's King invited all of us to wine and talk. It would have been rude to decline, so we went.

~*~Elua~*~

We smiled and laughed, telling him stories of when we were young, thousands of years ago. Elua listened with avid attention; he had none of these happy memories. He was born, fully grown, from Mother Earth's womb, and had been reviled by all the peoples in Yeshua's land. Never had he been to his grandfathers realm, where anything was acceptable, except being on Earth.

Which we all had disobeyed. I doubted we would ever be let back into Heaven.

The King of Persis had his oldest amphora breached for us. I noticed that the seal was already broken, but my mind was foggy. His refilled our cups himself, smiling.

I swirled my wine around, frowning at the smell. Musty and acidic. I looked around, but my fellow angels were already drinking deeply. Elua held the delicate cup in both hands, meeting my eyes. They were afraid, echoing mine. With drunk abandon, I shrugged and drank. He followed suit.

There was that acidic feeling again, in the aftertaste. I frowned at my half-empty glass, and then looked at my Companions. "No …" I whispered. They all looked very … dead.

Elua and I locked gazes again, and then he slumped over in his chair, violet eyes still opened.

I shot an accusing look at Persis's King. He smiled again.

"Don't you see, Naamah? This is the only way. I fear your God's wrath, and have no wish to incur it upon my city." He shook his head ruefully. "I did not want to part on this bad note, but my advisors were right. All of you," he gestured to my sleeping companions. "Are a bad influence. Look at Soroush! He's still in the infirmary, dazed and babbling about angels and love! He'll never be able to do his job again!"

"That was not my fault." I whispered. "We can't help but be what we are." My eyes closed, but I fought to keep them open. The last thing I saw before passing into drug-induced darkness was a flurry of grey robes, grey wings, shining steel and blond hair. And one word passed the grey angel's lips.

"Betrayal."

~*~Elua~*~

I woke to gentle rocking waves and the sound of groaning. I looked up, seeing clear blue skies, but the sun seared my eyes and I quickly shut them.

"God above." I whispered. "I will never, ever get that drunk again." I sat up, shielding my eyes with my hand. I sat on the deck of a boat, I quickly realized. A big boat. Eisheth lay next to me, still asleep.

I frowned, my mind fumbling. Kushiel sat at the bow, rubbing his temples to dispel his headache. Shemhazai had leaned over the edge, dunking his head in the ocean. Camael was clearly trying to join him, but kept losing his balance. Anael and Azza were still asleep, Anael's head cushioned on Azza's leg. The sight made me smile. Elua was asleep as well, curled up in the center of the boat, near the mast.

There, there was the cause of my confusion. Daggers, a sword, and ashy robes and wings. It could only be one person.

"Cassiel? What in the name of all that's holy are YOU doing here?" I gave him a look of disbelief.

Cassiel smiled gently. "The same thing you are, I think."

I frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Naamah. Naamah, Naamah, Naamah." He shook his head. "You don't see it, do you? Love. Love has brought us here, all of us. Love for a person the One God has abandoned in His folly."

Elua sat up, blinking. "Oh dear." He muttered. "Who are you?" He turned his purple eyes onto Cassiel.

"Cassiel. His name is Cassiel, and if I don't miss my guess, he was there last night, after we passed out." Eisheth whispered. For all appearances, she was still asleep. I shook her shoulder. Nothing.

I raised my eyebrows at Cassiel, holding back a smile. "I did not know she talked in her sleep. Did you?"

He shook his head in denial, grinning broadly. "Never."

I shook her harder. Eisheth gasped, waking up. "Whaaa?" Clear brown eyes met my hazel ones. "Where are we?"

"Out at sea." Shemhazai answered. "Lost, with no sails whatsoever." He sounded unhappy. "All thanks to Naamah."

I opened my mouth to apologize automatically when a hand dropped on my mouth. "Don't. It's not your fault. It's not anyone of your faults." Elua declared. "If anything it should be mine. I got arrested. And I will be the one to figure this out, Shemhazai."

With that, he started to sing, calling on the creatures of the deep. Azza woke suddenly at the sound, noticed Anael's head was on his leg, and shoved Anael onto the deck. Anael rolled over and kept sleeping.

I glanced at Kushiel, smirking. He met my gaze, and then rolled his eyes. I shook my head, and then yelped as a giant mass of grey came up next to our boat.

"Adonai have mercy." Cassiel breathed. "Whales."

Shemhazai stared, dumbfounded, as the whale waved a flipper at us. "I wonder …"

It was the first of many "I wonder"s, but it told us all was right in the world.


	6. Children in Bhodistan

Sorry, I haven't updated in about a year. Life sort of got in the way, along with several other stories … I'll make a better effort to finish this one.

I want to dedicate this chapter to my dear friend who is living in India. I only knew her for a short time, but she was the best of people. I wish her luck with her newborn baby girl.

Enjoy, and review!

**The Journey of Naamah: Children in Bhodistan**

_In Bhodistan, they are an ancient people, and they feared to turn from their multitude of gods. Yet they saw the light in blessed Elua and would allow no harm to him, so he wandered singing, and people made the sign of peace and turned away. _

_~ Earth Begotten, by J. Carey_

We landed in a far land, unsure of what would come of us. I stepped off the boat and almost tripped, unaccustomed to dry land. Camael laughed, while Kushiel caught my hand. I glared at Camael.

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "Sorry," he muttered, shaking out his black wings. "Not my fault you can't walk."

I continued to glare at him, until Cassiel laid a gloved hand on Camael's shoulder. "Don't bother, brother." Camael glanced at Cassiel from the corner of his eyes and nodded slightly. He ran lightly back into the boat, passing Eisheth and Elua.

"Thanks." I muttered to Kushiel, going to Eisheth and slipping an arm around her waist. There was something about her that kept me smiling.

"So glad to be back on dry land!" Anael dug his bare feet into the sand. Azza smiled at his exuberance. I sensed there was something more behind that prideful angel. Perhaps love of another had changed him.

Elua smiled, but a shadow of something, perhaps fear or uncertainty, passed beneath his eyes.

All of us assembled on the beach, we waited for Elua to say something. He may have been the youngest of us, but he had an air that his father had. One of command, one that expected to be obeyed. But there was something different from what his father had, and that was an infinite kindness.

"Come." Elua's purple eyes shone. "Let us see what we can find."

_~*~Elua~*~_

Camael found the first village within a few miles. It was farther down the coast – a fishing town.

The Elder's and warriors came to us as we walked down the beach. Eisheth and Shemhazai glanced at each other, but they were not afraid.

Elua stopped, Cassiel at his side. We stood silently as the warriors surrounded us, leveling their spears at our throats. I did not doubt that their spears could kill even an angel.

"Who are you, and to what purpose have you come?" The eldest, obviously the leader, asked. He was covered in wrinkles and scars – a decorated soldier – and his eyes showed intelligence and wisdom.

Elua spoke, smiling. "I am Elua, and these are my Companions. We are but travelers, passers by. We have no wish to harm you or your people."

The Elder considered his words for a great bit of time, all the while his men pointed spears at us. Azza glared daggers at one of the humans, and he shrank back, frightened. Camael was trying to stealthily loosen his sword from its sheath at his side.

"You do not lie." The Elder said suddenly. "Stay with us for the night. We will provision you, and give you a place to sleep." He raised grey eyebrows. "Unless you do not need to rest, strange beings?"

I chuckled, grinning. "Sleep is something all things must have, gracious sir." I said, bowing ever so slightly. "Even Heaven's angels need to rest."

_~*~Elua~*~_

We sat around the central fire, ignoring the stares of the villagers, telling stories of long ago. The Elder, named Aram, asked many questions about our Heaven and Adonai. Shemhazai answered the most, with a few interjections from the rest of us.

Elua was silent, listening. He was young, and had not heard everything there was to tell.

I sat in the sand like the rest, between Kushiel and Eisheth. They were silent as well, relaxing in the warmth of the fire. Bored, I watched the twisting flames, trying to understand what, if anything, they had to say.

I was so absorbed with the flames I almost did not notice the child behind me, playing with my long, red-gold hair.

I stiffened and slowly turned around. The small girl squeaked and jumped back, tripping over her small feet. I smiled slowly, stretching out my hand. She took it, trembling with excitement.

"I'm Mara," she whispered, still holding my hand.

"Naamah," I whispered back.

She was young, about four or five years old. Straight black hair stirred in the wind, while solemn but excited black eyes stared into my pale green ones.

Mara smiled, showing off small white teeth, and sat on my lap. Eisheth grinned, knowing my usual avoidance of children. Kushiel studiously ignored us, listening to Shemhazai talk about Adonai.

"Where are you from?" Mara's childish innocence shone.

"Heaven." I said simply, looking up at the darkening sky.

"Heaven? Where is that?"

"Far, far away. Up in the sky, where no mortal can go."

"Is that where you got your wings?"

I laughed, glancing at her tanned face. "Yes."

"Can I touch them?"

I slowly extended my wings around me, careful not to hit Kushiel or Eisheth. My wings formed a natural bubble, secluding the child and myself from the rest of the world.

She slowly reached out, gently touching one of my white feathers. She smiled, as if to confirm to herself that what she was touching was real. I smiled, touched by her attention.

I was struck by the longing in my heart. Suddenly, I wanted a child of my own.

Mara yawned and leaned into my shoulder. Within seconds, she was asleep.

I retracted my wings, glancing at Eisheth. "Could you find-"

"Mara?" A young woman came close and scooped Mara off of me. "Why? Why are you corrupting my child?" She demanded, tears in her eyes and anger in her heart.

"Corruption?" I asked, sighing. "No. Never corruption. I was merely learning from your child. She has taught me so much." It was not a lie.

"Demons. All of you." She whispered. "Leave us to ourselves. We do not need your ways, your god here."

I nodded, not understanding. Mara's mother turned and went to a house on the edges of the village. I stared after her, noting how relieved she was now that Mara was in her arms.

I wanted it. I wanted it all.

"I apologize for Naomi's behavior," Amar, the Elder, said. "Mara is her fourth child, but the only one to survive. She is very protective."

I nodded slightly, still looking at the hut Mara had disappeared in. Eisheth noticed the direction of my gaze, and slipped her arm around my shoulders. "Do not grieve. In time, all things are given," she whispered in my ear. "Even children."

Elua smiled. "Children are the greatest teachers a person can have."

_~*~Elua~*~_

I woke suddenly to Azza shaking my shoulder. "Come. It is time to leave."

I nodded, standing and dusting off my long scarlet robe. "Why?"

"Elua fears that if we stay to long, they will actually use those spears of theirs." Anael replied. "They fear us."

I nodded, waking up Eisheth. "Come, my love. It is time to go." She groaned slightly, but got up.

I looked for Elua, finding him at the edge of town, near Naomi and Mara's house. The others passed him, disappearing into the darkess. Elua and I were alone.

"Do what you must." Elua's purple eyes regarded me kindly. "Love as you will, and don't forget who you love."

I nodded, turning to face the small house next to the sea. Elua followed the rest of our Companions, occasionally turning to stare back at me.

I took a deep breath and entered the hut. It was one central room, with three breathing mounds in the center. One, slightly to the side, was marginally smaller then the other two.

Mara.

I pulled at one of my feathers, hissing quietly in pain as I freed it. I knelt next to the girl-child and put a finger to her lips, while shaking her awake. She looked up at me with clear black eyes, telling me she had never really been asleep.

"Hush, Mara." I whispered. She nodded, sitting up. "We have to leave. But I brought you something." I presented her with one of my feathers, smiling sadly. "Take care of it, and know that you will always be in my thoughts."

She delicately took the feather, looking at it intently. "Naamah?" she whispered.

"Yes?"

"I will remember. Always." So solemn and young, she smiled. "Go in peace and happiness."

I smiled back, ruffling her hair. I stood, looking at her parents. "Hide that." I whispered, pointing to the feather. "They won't understand why."

She nodded, hiding my feather under her pillow as I left her house and followed my fellow angels footprints up the coast.

I looked back at the tiny village, and a few tears fell down my face into the sand.

"I promise this to you, Mara, Naomi's daughter. One of my children will be named after you. You who changed me so much by the sea." I whispered, smiling.

I left, and did not look back. And I loved, l loved with a burning passion everything and everyone that had touched my heart.


	7. Heaven

**A/N: I do not own Kushiel's Legacy, though there are times I wish I did. I hope you enjoy this (short) chapter, and please please please review!**

**The Journey of Naamah: Heaven**

_And Naamah and the other Companions followed Elua, not knowing or caring if the eye of the One God was upon them, and where they went they sang, and wound in their hair the flowers that sprang up in blessed Elua's wake. Alone among them, only Cassiel gave thought to Heaven, but he loved Elua too well to abandon him__. _

_~ Earth Begotten, by J. Carey_

I cried as I walked away from the Bhodistani town. Mara had changed me, and I felt … odd. Kushiel, that merciful punisher, wrapped a heavily muscled arm around my waist and let me cry into his black robes. Eisheth spoke softly to Elua.

I did not care who watched, nor if what they were thinking as tears ran down my cheeks as we walked. I did not answer their questions of what happened.

How was it possible to love one I had just met? A child, a human child, that had touched me so deeply.

I retreated deep inside my mind, letting Kushiel guide me across the Bhodistani beach. I did not feel the soft sand beneath my feet. I did not notice the flowers that came up where Elua placed his feet, nor how the sun rose over the land. I felt nothing, but thought only of the emotions that coursed through me.

Such confusion I had never felt before.

_~*~Elua~*~_

We traveled quickly, and went far before stopping for the night on a beach. Camael and Anael went to find food in the surrounding forest.

Elua and Cassiel sat next to me, as Kushiel started a fire. I watched the budding flames, but did not see. I expected Elua to speak, but it was Cassiel who did.

"Naamah, why are you mourning for something that was never yours?"

Cassiel was like that, straight and to the point. He never minced with his words; never beat around the bush, as it were.

I did not answer, and a lone tear started its journey down my face.

"Don't cry, Naamah." Cassiel whispered, putting a calloused hand on my knee. "It's not worth crying over."

I tried to control myself, breathing deeply. "Yes, Cassiel. It is worth crying over." I whispered back. "You wouldn't understand this longing."

"This longing for what?"

"A child. I want a child of my own to love and cherish." I pursed my lips in a thin line, gazing at my open palms. My fingers were long and slender, pale as milk.

Cassiel squeezed my knee gently. "I long for heaven."

I looked at him sharply, noticing his gaze went up to the darkening skies. "Why?"

"Adonai treated me well, even if he did forget me. He is old, and such things are excusable." Cassiel murmured, smiling slightly. "There are moments when I want to go back, but I finally found a place where I truly belong."

I saw Elua blush delicately, and raised my eyebrows. "Truly belong, eh?"

Cassiel laughed. "Yes. I belong with Elua, the one that Adonai forgot in his grief."

"Adonai forbade me to practice what he gave me, my passion and desire." I muttered. "I never want to go back to that place, even if it was where I felt safe."

Azza smiled at me from across the fire, his grey eyes sorrowful. "The One God did the same to all of us, in different ways. He called my pride a sin, and his people agreed."

Shemhazai nodded. "He did not want me giving humans information that they could have used, knowledge that could change their lives. Was it not I that gave humans fire, and mathematics? A language to speak with, and writing so that they may speak without speaking?"

Kushiel looked up from the fire. "Pain is love, love is pain. He did not understand that the angels that I punished eventually came to love me for what I did."

It seemed like we were sharing all our woes about the One God. Even though we all knew how we had been wronged, Elua seemed interested.

"Adonai mentioned that singing was unbecoming of a woman, and that singing was an open invitation to any passing man that wanted a cheap prostitute." Eisheth muttered darkly.

Cassiel listened, but I could tell he disagreed with us. Elua, sitting next to Cassiel, was muttering something in Cassiel's ear.

Camael came out of the dense forest, carrying some sort of deer. "Who's hungry?"


	8. No Home to be Found

**The Journey of Naamah: No Home to be Found**

_And Elua wandered the bosom of his mother Earth, and his Companions remained at his side through lands harsh and stony. Here the creatures of the earth tended him, or he would surely have perished, for many years they sojourned. In the plains of Akkad, padding lions led him to honey. In Tiroc Pass, a great eagle flew each morning, stooping low over ice and crags to drop a bright berry in blessed Elua's mouth._

_~ Earth Begotten, by J. Carey_

Many moons had passed since I met my greatest teacher, Mara, Naomi's daughter, and we all shared our woes with each other in the beaches of Bhodistan.

I had done all I could to keep Elua alive and well. When coin was low, or it needed to be exchanged for a different one, I went by myself into the nearest city.

Men would flock to me, just for the chance of touching my wings or hear my voice. They would pay good coin to bed me. I was an anomaly, and who wouldn't want the bragging rights to say they fucked an angel?

The first time I did this, the rest of the Companions were shocked and angry with me. Elua especially.

The night before, Elua and Shemhazai were talking about the amount of coin it would take to ferry us across the river that was the Bhodistani border with Akkad. We did not have enough; we had spent the last of our coin on a modest meal of bread and cheese.

The rest of our band was sleeping when I took my leave of our camp in the early evening. The sun had set, and Elua had suggested that we get as much sleep as we possibly could. But I had a solution to our plight.

I wandered into one of the city's streets, and saw other women sitting bare breasted on mats, clad in only the smallest of loincloths. Men fondled their breasts and cunts as they handed over their coin. I was simultaneously repulsed and washed over with pleasure. I knew this was where I needed to be.

I strode with a confidence I did not have to an empty mat near the corner of the street. I untied the tight sash of my scarlet robe, and then retied it loosely around my waist. One of my breasts was bared, as was the inside of one of my thighs. My hair I let loose from the braid I had had tied while traveling. My wings I kept slightly extended. I hoped I cut a provocative pose, but I was not sure. So many things about Earth still had me mystified, and what got a human man hard was one of them.

Everyone on the street began to stare at me. The whores, the clients, the would-be clients, the people engaged in the acts their coin had paid for. Everyone. The unnamed street was utterly quiet for the first time in centuries, since this place became the center of prostitution.

A tall, lanky man was the first to move. Wearing a long, blue robe with a matching turban, he strode with a panther like grace until he was kneeling before me.

"My lady," he whispered. "Why is someone so beautiful here, on the streets filled with the cheapest whores on this earth?"

"I'm a traveler, Sir. My fellow travelers and I have run into a shortage of coin. I have come to do what needs to be done." I smiled slowly, my eyes apologetic.

"I must admit, I'm intrigued. What's your price?" He laid one thin finger on the inside of my thigh, slowly tracing a meandering path closer to my waist.

My eyebrows shot up with shock. I fought to keep my voice even, but it turned into a high pitched squeak. "Price, Sir? " I cleared my throat. "What are you willing to give me, for your time with me?"

He laughed. "As much as you need to get where you're going, traveler."

I laughed softly, looking up from underneath my eyelashes. "1500 rupees."

"1500!?" He exclaimed loudly. "That's way too much!"

The girl next to me jumped, then started laughing. "Sir, can't you see? Look with your eyes! She is the most perfect being on this earth. And from the look of her, hasn't been tumbled very much by any human member!" She laughed, showing blackened teeth. "Take her price, and enjoy her. She'll give you more than any of us ever could."

He laughed, stood, and beckoned with a smile. "Come, my dear. Let's go somewhere better than this hovel."

_~*~Elua~*~_

Laying on my stomach, wings half extended, I basked in the aftershocks of lovemaking. He caressed the joint between wing and shoulder lightly, making me shiver in excitement and pleasure.

"Stop that. It tickles," I said, laughing.

"I would think," he replied, grinning. The grin fell as he sat up quickly.

"The matter … of your payment …" he muttered haltingly. "We agreed on 1500, yes?"

I nodded, turning a wry face. I moved to sit up, but he pressed a hand between my shoulder blades and gently pushed me back down. I complied, my eyebrows raised in puzzlement.

"I'm willing to double that, for another round."

My eyes widened, my lips parted slightly in shock. "You can't be serious. You didn't even want to pay me the initial amount, and now you're willing to double it?" Humans, I swear. They are such confusing creatures.

"Never will I meet another woman quite like you, Naamah. I intend to enjoy every moment in your presence as I can possibly pay for. Doubling your price is the least I can do."

I was shocked, but I turned on my side and laid a finger over his lips. "Say no more. You shall have your pleasure."

He began to suck on my finger, and the dance began again.

_~*~Elua~*~_

I left the inn with a heavy coin purse in the middle of the night. Dawn was some ways away – I would have time to make it back to our camp, and maybe get a few hours of well earned sleep.

Things did not work out how I had intended.

As I threaded my way through our camp, Elua woke up from his light slumber.

"Naamah! Where in the earth have you been? You've been gone all night!" He whispered harshly, but it was loud enough to wake Anael and Azza, who had slept in each other's arms. In turn, the rest of them woke. All except Eisheth, who muttered in her sleep and rolled over.

In answer to his question, and the questions in my companions eyes, I threw the clinking purse at Elua. "It will be enough, to get us across the Indus and into Akkad and beyond."

Kushiel smiled. "Elua. She has done us a great service in this."

"It was not necessary! Naamah, you should never have done this. Not for us."

"I did it for you, Elua. I did it for everyone here. And it was needed – we need to keep moving, yes? Bhodistan does not agree with us!"

"Let her have some pride, some dignity," Azza muttered. "Adonai made her this way, stubborn and seeking pleasure. You cannot lead a horse to water and force him to drink – it will never work."

Elua sighed, looking up at me with those violet eyes that seemed to penetrate the soul. "Please, don't do this again. Please."

"I will not agree to that. I will not have you begging on the streets and only receiving a few coppers. With this, I can pay for the next month of food and lodging. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to get some sleep before we go into the hostile deserts of Akkad." I went to my bedroll and lay on my stomach. Kushiel kissed the corner of my eye, and I drifted into a deep, satisfying sleep.

_~*~Elua~*~_

Suffice it to say that we traveled for many months after that night. Through deserts and over mountains. Elua's gift with the beasts of the wild fed us when we could not find food ourselves. Lions led us to honey and gazelles, eagles brought rodents and berries, and we survived.

**A/N:** I am SOOOOOOOOO sorry it took this long to update this! I've been in school, and have had no time to get anything done here. Stay tuned, do a story/author alert so you don't miss out on the next chapter, whenever I manage to have the time for it that is. Forgive me, but school comes first.

Elua bless and keep you, and Love as Thou Wilt


	9. To the North

**The Journey of Naamah: To the North**

_North, he wandered, then west, and in the dark woods of the Skaldic hinterlands, the ravens and wolves were his friends, but the tribesmen gave him no heed, brandishing their terrible axes and calling upon their gods in words of blood and iron. So blessed Elua wandered, and snowdrops poked their heads above the drifts where he went. Westward and westward, with his Companions at his side, blessed Elua wandered and came at last in summer to a land unnamed where olives grew, grapes and melons, and lavender bloomed in fragrant clouds._

_~ Earth Begotten, J. Carey_

They called this land Skaldia, and it was a harsh land.

We had become used to the heat of the desert and the rolling hills that dotted the plains. We discovered new food and new peoples. Birds used to visit us as we sang numerous songs, and we were at peace.

It was different here. Not necessarily a bad thing, but a different thing.

The natives here weren't as hostile as some others that we had seen on our wanderings. They were as harsh as the land around them, made hard by the rocky and desolate landscape. Their language was as scathing as their land, deep and guttural.

Through mountains and forests we traveled. The snow bit into our wrapped feet, but the wind did not bite through the furs we had bartered for.

Of course, by barter, I mean … well. You should know by now what I mean. Elua was not pleased, but he had no say in it. It was my own choice, and it got the job done. And it was no small sacrifice; I enjoyed it.

And as was the way of Blessed Elua, flowers and other vegetation sprouted in his wake. Anael was particularly interested in a specific type of flower that only came up when we crossed the peaks of mountains. We walked and slept in the snow, grateful for our wings that kept off the worst of the wind and chill, our furs keeping off the rest. Anael collected as many of the strange white flowers as he could, but it was the proud angel Azza who named them.

Snowdrops.

It was a fitting name for the new flower.

We had been traveling together for almost two years now, but there were still questions to ask and answers to be had and stories to be told.

We told stories to keep the boredom of travel at bay. Stories of heaven and service, stories true and false, but stories none the less. Elua often asked questions, trying to understand the appeal of the realm we all spoke of, though whether it was from malice or discontentment or wistfulness differed from one of us to the other. Elua was still a child in our eyes, despite his wisdom. Cassiel, in particular missed Adonai's realm, but he refused to leave us, for his love of Elua grew stronger every day.

We all had our fun teasing each other over small, inconsequential things as we travelled. We were all friends, and that what friends do, yes? Though it seems in retrospect that Cassiel was teased the most, and he didn't take it was well as the rest of us.

_~*~Elua~*~_

"Really?" I asked, shocked. "You've never had anyone, neither woman nor man? Cassiel, what were you doing in Adonai's realm that did not allow you the simple pleasure of another's company?"

Cassiel looked confused, perhaps even a bit anxious. "Serving, Naamah," he whispered slowly. "And I do not see why it matters. Please, it is not that I have never wanted to, but at the time, there was no one I wanted to share my company with. Man or woman it matters not to me, but there was no one in the Heaven I wanted to be with."

I raised my eyebrows silently; willing that he would go on, explain further. He did, pulling me off the barely visible trail and deeper into the snow-covered forest that surrounded us day in and day out. He continued to whisper, eyes bright with the cold.

"Since coming down and saving all of you from the hands of that King of Persis you were so terribly fond of, I … have come to realize a simple truth. I … I was not happy in Adonai's realm, I was not … comfortable there. I loved it there, to be sure, one might even say I felt safer there. But I was not comfortable, I was not happy. I did not fit in. I have since found my place in this universe, and that is at Elua's side. Do you understand?"

"No, not really, but it does make sense." I grinned, shaking my head in astonishment. "Only you, Cassiel. Only you would fall farther from Heaven than the rest of us for the grandson of Adonai himself."

"Fall?" Cassiel paused, confusion evident in his blue eyes and pale features.

I smiled, cupping his cheek gently. My fingertips pay the lightest of trails down his throat and onto his chest, resting heavily where his heart would be. He swallowed audibly as I touched him, bright eyes dilating with unrealized desire. "Yes. Fall. As in fall in love. You are in love with Elua and we both know it. In fact, you've been like this since the beginning. You enjoy his attention, and you are jealous when he spends his nights with the rest of us. Do not think I have not noticed."

Cassiel sighed, pressing his hand against mine, which lay still on his lightly muscled chest. "You have the right of it, Naamah. I believe that to be true. These emotions … they are still new to me. I do not understand the half of it. I may be damned for abandoning the One God, but it was his folly for not turning his attention to Elua. Someone has to take care of him."

"Of that, I am sure," I lifted my hand, and he released me. Smiling, I winked and started walking back to the trail. "Perhaps one day, someone will teach you the meaning of pleasure and love."

_~*~Elua~*~_

I'll admit it right here, right now.

Cassiel was a very attractive angel. And I had not had the attention of a man in a very long time – the last was to barter for our cloaks. Since then, there had been no need in this harsh land of Skaldia. There had been no one to ply my trade with. Eisheth was company, but there was only so much she could do for me, only so many stolen kisses against soft, yielding lips I could take before I wanted something more sturdy, more masculine.

I would appear Cassiel wanted me as badly as I wanted him, if his reaction to my touch was any indication.

_~*~Elua~*~_

As was the nature of the skies, a blizzard should have been expected, but was not. We were following a river down the mountain when the heavens decided it would be ripe time to give girth to the largest snowstorm I have ever had the privilege to witness.

Azza found the cave, hidden as it was behind the boughs of a pine tree. It was large, larger then it had needed to be. And it was uninhabited, which was even better. Dark stone walls rose, meeting at a rift in the stone that seemed designed to be a smoke hole. Kushiel started a fire under it, for the wood he had collected was not yet wet.

We all sat around the fire, listening to the gale that raged outside and watching as the deer Camael had shot roasted. Our furs we discarded, heaping them into a pile in a corner – they stank, and it was too warm in the cave to warrant anything more than our robes.

As was our custom, we talked and ate until late in the evening before retiring to different niches in the cave. Anael and Azza kissed earnestly in the dim half-light of the fire, the angel of pride and his beloved not caring who saw, though they themselves were the last to notice their affection for each other.

Camael and Kushiel sat next to the entrance, taking the first watch, though the odds of anything happening were slim. They understood each other, those two militant angels, though they did not show any physical affection for each other. Kushiel was more inclined to spend his time with me than any other, but his ways were harsh and not generally approved of. Despite the very open company we kept, he refrained from acting upon his urges and using his gifts. It was easier that way.

Everyone was asleep when I silently went to Cassiel, who had taken the second watch alone.

_~*~Elua~*~_

I was harshly rejected, much to my embarrassment and dismay. To this day, I do not like to talk about it – it causes to many bad memories. The others, hopefully, never knew, though if they did, they never heard it from my lips. This is the first time I've admitted this to myself … I failed at the thing I was created to do.

That stung more than a thousand bee stings, or what I would imagine the beings Kushiel punished felt like on a daily basis.

For days afterwards, I could not meet his eyes. Shame walked with me, not allowing me any rest of solace. I did not sleep, and I ate little. Elua noticed – his violet eyes were filled with pity, though I doubt he knew they why of my actions.

_~*~Elua~*~_

Cassiel pulled me over to the side a week after my failed attempt, my fur cloak bunched under his hand.

We had left the cave some time ago, Shemhazai tracing a lily and eight stars over the entrance in snow. Somehow the snow had stuck there, and I had a strange feeling that the snow would be there for a while, though how I knew not.

"Naamah, I would speak to you, if you have no objections," Cassiel murmured in my ear.

I stayed silent, walking away from the rest of our staring Companions. He followed me, silent as well, a grey ghost following a scarlet and gold angel.

"Why?" we both asked at the same time, once we had reached a distance from our packing camp.

"Why?" I whispered, ignoring his smile of amusement. "What did I do wrong?"

His broad shoulders dropped in sympathy or shame, I wasn't sure. This grey angle was surely giving me mixed signals, and I was confused. "You have done nothing _wrong_. I was merely shocked, and unresponsive to your advances. I look at you as a Companion, as a sister, not a lover, Naamah. I responded in the way I did because I felt at the time it was_ right_. I did not mean to cause you this much pain and anguish, because that is what I have done, is it not? It was never my intention, but I have hurt you, and I want to apologize for that."

"Don't apologize. It was my own actions that brought this upon me. This has nothing to do with you," I closed my eyes, trying to clear the tears from them. I would not cry in front of Cassiel, not if I could help it.

"Even so. I was rude, and that was uncalled for. Forgive me for that, at the very least."

I smiled. "That, I believe I can do, Cassiel. You truly are a Perfect Companion for Elua. Do not hurt him as you have hurt me, he would not understand. Trust him."

Cassiel smirked a little; I could hear it in his voice. "Do you promise to keep this to yourself? And not approach me with those intentions again? I can swear not to hurt Elua, as you say, in return."

I nodded, still staring at the ground. "I swear it."

Shouts rang out from the direction of our camp, Eisheth's voice higher than the rest and easily distinguishable. I met Cassiel's eyes, which were wide in shock. With deadly speed, he ran headlong into our camp, daggers drawn from his waist. I followed, wishing I could be even faster, wanting to know what was going on. With a sinking feeling, I ran, hoping nothing went wrong.

Elua and the rest were all smiling and laughing, facing the west.

The setting sun in our eyes had made this sight unknown to us, but now, with the clouds cleared and the sun at our backs, we saw it.

A lush land in the middle of it's summer, all green and lovely. Elua turned to Cassiel and me, grinning from ear to ear.

"We have a ways to go yet, but I think we have found our final destination."


End file.
